One More Night
by OhLiz
Summary: James never meant to forget to say 'I love you' to Kendall. He never meant to get so busy that it felt like they weren't even in a relationship anymore. He never wanted to lose Kendall. Yet he did. Will Kendall take him back?
1. Chapter 1

Hello, everyone! So Sandy left me without school for the entire week...and that's kind of bittersweet because 1. NO SCHOOL! and 2. My house is freaking boring. But at least I got this one shot finished!

I would like to blame Maroon 5 for this mess of a Kames drama/smut thing. I heard One More Night months ago and something in me screamed Kames from the first verse.

So..on with the story!

Oh and I would like to thank Alicia ( itsuhhleeseeuhh on Twitter because she's too basic for a FF) for helping me with the sex scene because writing sex is just awkward for me.

I'd love to know what you guys think of this. Reviews make my life, basically.

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush because if I did I'd make them fuck 24/7.

* * *

It was exactly a quarter to nine when the blood started boiling. They both had woken up with limbs on limbs, still sweating, and still heavily breathing. They had only slept an hour or two, last night being a night that has been repeating itself for months now.

They had made a promise to each other. But, it wasn't a mutual decision. One seemed to think that he knew the right thing to do and he thought that the other would decide to follow along. That was one of the problems between them. One thought he knew what was best. That one was the leader. The other thought that every problem was fixable. He was a believer when it came to love. And they seemed to go at it because that was what they did best.

"I can't believe you let me do this again after I told you I had enough," the leader, Kendall, said. He looked around the room, looking at the damage done this time. The floor lamp that stood in the left corner of the room in front of them was lying on the floor, little shards of glass scattered not more than a couple of inches away from the top of the lamp. They must have gone through ten lamps in the past few months.

Their clothes didn't come off last night, no. They were ripped off and thrown into a corner or out the window or maybe they were neatly tucked into a closet. Last night seemed like a blur to the both of them. It got scary crazy rough. Insane.

"Doesn't it always end up like this? That lamp falls. Our clothes end up God knows where. We have great sex. Then you wake up and you start this shit all over again," the believer said.

James loved Kendall. James knew Kendall. He knew he didn't want to see it end. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever. They belonged with each other. But, Kendall couldn't take it anymore. The screams, yells curses begs. It was getting to be too much. Kendall wanted a future with his first love.

It took Kendall years to finally get James. They had been best friends ever since they were four year olds reciting their ABC's in Pre-K— way before Kendall started crushing hard on him and James started leaving subtle hints that he might have had a few thoughts about a certain blonde (none of those thoughts being something a straight best friend should be thinking about).

When James sort of, maybe, kind of, planted a small kiss on Kendall- that Kendall had described as a 'teensy-weensy kiss so small that maybe it didn't even happen but it did because he could feel his hormones acting up from it' - Kendall knew that he not only wanted, but needed James already.

And, as everyone already knew, when Kendall wanted something, he got it- ninety-five percent of the time. And James would be in that mix of ninety-five.

James was such a tease and Kendall absolutely hated it. One could not just flirt with Kendall nor look at him with such lust or touch his hand with such gentleness and not have electricity coursing through his veins. Kendall did not allow himself to feel so weak in James' presence. So, as Kendall would do with anyone that tried to get to him, he fought back.

Kendall teased and flirted and touched and did everything possible to sexually frustrate James back. James laughed at how badly Kendall wanted to get back at him. Kendall had tried _so _hard that he overdid it by just a bit. Or a lot.

Somewhere in the middle of Kendall walking around shirtless in the house while James came over to watch the Wild and the Jets verse each other in hockey and James trying to think of another witty thing to say to turn Kendall on, something had clicked in James. While watching Kendall jump up from the couch and scream and curse and shout at the players that would never hear him, James had thought and thought. Kendall was so dedicated, so hard-headed, so stubborn, and so out going. James liked that- better yet, he loved it.

The game they once played just for the fun of it turned into something else. James didn't want Kendall just because he had such a good body that one day he wanted to explore and get lost in, no. James wanted more from Kendall. He wanted a relationship. Real, sentimental, cheesy, corny, wholehearted love.

So, as the game ended and Kendall finished coming down from the high of his favorite team winning yet again, James brought his hands to cup Kendall's face- the face that held many emotions and many imperfections that were also perfections at the same time- and crashed their lips onto each other.

The sound Kendall had made did not sound human in James' ears. But it definitely seemed to turn him on as he brought Kendall down onto the couch and climbed on top of him.

Everything went so well after that, the both of them finally getting what they had wanted from each other for over a while now. No one had a problem with the two of them dating. Their two best friends were thrilled even, noting how happy they had looked.

James was a completely different person when in a relationship. He was kinder, more genuine, and he was such a romantic, it even took Kendall by surprise.

On their six month anniversary, James had left clues to a scavenger hunt for Kendall to solve. It was the cheesiest, most corniest thing James had done but Kendall loved every second of it. It all led to dinner on a rooftop on some building in LA.

That was how their relationship played out for years. James would do romantic things that would leave Kendall weak in the knees and want to tackle James and show him how much he loved himbe a follower. Kendall Knight was a leader. So, when James walked through the front door holding a bottle of water in one hand and holding up his ever present iPhone to his ear in the other, Kendall knew what he had to do.

Kendall always thought James and him could be one of those cliche Hollywood couples that single women gush over while eating their feelings out. Kendall thought James and him would get married once gay marriage was legalized and fall in love all over again. He thought they'd go on a honeymoon and break beds and share memories and talk about future plans.

He thought they were forever.

But he was wrong, even though he was sure that this was one of the things he would always be sure about. James captivated Kendall; his beauty, his charm, his stupidity, that smile that made Kendall melt, it was Kendall's natural drug.

"How was modeling today?" James turned to look at Kendall, trying to read his eyes and figure out what he was up to. And that was just it. They've grown apart so much that they barely talked about work and their day that when the topic was brought up, well, it was just rare.

"Fine...why?" There had to be a reason. James never bothered to ask Kendall how hockey was anymore, so why was Kendall asking him about his profession?

"I love you, James."

It must have been at least two months- if not more- since they said those three words to each other. Their show of affection was attenuated long ago.

James knew something was wrong. He could sense the thickness in the air, feel the negative vibes radiating off of Kendall. "What's going on?"

Kendall was holding on by a thin thread at that point, hoping that maybe that string would thicken and become a rope, pulling him up and away from this mess. He was hoping that maybe James would change what Kendall was about to do. He hoped that maybe James would say those three words back and Kendall would just shake off the thought that they were growing apart. But that didn't happen. James didn't say them, and Kendall knew he had to come through.

"Do you remember our first date? You promised me something," Kendall said.

Scrunching his eyes and looking up at the ceiling, James racked through his brain in search of what Kendall was talking, as if it would pop into his head right away.

"My head really hurts. Can we talk about this later?"

_He forgot. James forgot his promise. He forgot what happened at our date. Our very first date._

_He forgot about us._

"No!" Kendall practically screamed. He was tired of James always having an excuse, always trying to switch the topic, always forgetting. Always forgetting about the man he once showed such love and affection to. "You told me you'd love me everyday. You told me you'd kiss me and hold me and make me happy and be here for me. You said that you would care. After that day, you told me you loved me everyday since we've been together. But that stopped months ago."

"So you want me to start telling you I love you again? Is that it?"

"You don't get it, do you? Do you not see what's going on?"

"God, Kendall. It's almost nine. I'm starving, you didn't order any food, my head still hurts, and you're confusing me even more. Can you just get on it with it?"

"I'm done."

"Done talking? Great. Pizza sound good?"

"No, James. I'm done. With us."

"Are you...are you-"

"Breaking up with you. I'm breaking up with you. I can't do this anymore. We haven't been in love for a long time now, James."

"No...no! Kendall, you can't do this. You just told me that you love me! We are still in love!"

Shaking his head, Kendall says "We're not sixteen anymore. We're not in love and we don't worship each other like we used to. We're not what we were."

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I'll say it a thousand times if I have to. You can't end us. I love you!"

"We haven't been working for a while now. We're falling apart."

"We've been together for almost ten years!"

"It was our ten year anniversary two weeks ago. You were in New York, remember? I thought that maybe you'd surprise me with something romantic after you came back. But you never did. You don't even want to save our relationship. I know you notice how much we changed."

"I...I thought we were fine. I've just been really busy and I lost myself but I thought you'd understand. Do you want me to quit? Do you want me to stop modeling? Is that it?"

"No, James." Sighing, Kendall took James' hand and led him back to the living room and sat them both down onto the couch. "I have hockey. You have modeling. We're both busy. But you love what you do and I love what I do. Would you ask me to quit hockey?"

"Of course not. It's always been your dream to play for the Wild. I wouldn't take that from you."

"And I'm not taking modeling away from you. I love you. But we need to stop this before we both get hurt."

Getting teary, James looked away, thinking of something, anything, to make Kendall stay.

"You started slipping away when you started playing for the Wild."

"But I realized what I was doing and tried to stop. Look, we're both at fault here, we're both to blame."

"Please, give me another chance," James says, taking Kendall's hand in his once again. "I'll love you like I used to. Like I still do."

"I can't do this to myself anymore. I need to move on, and so do you."

"So that's it? You're throwing away ten years because we've had a rough couple months?"

"It's been two years, not a couple of months. We're unfixable.

"You're not giving us the chance to fix this! You're ruining everything!"

"Find someone else that can handle your schedule. Someone who isn't gone all the time. If we were still in love, we'd never let this happen." James seemed as if he'd burst into loud, uncontrollable sobs. James couldn't seem to talk anymore, instead using pantomime to show what he was feeling. Rubbing a stray tear away; sadness. Trailing his hand up and down Kendall's arm; forgiveness because in some way, James was going to be forgiven. Looking deep into Kendall's eyes, James tried to read his expression.

He can't end this. I won't let him.

"James...stop. Fuck, don't make me love you."

"But you already do. And you always will," and really, that was true. As much as Kendall wanted to scream at James and as much as he wanted to hate him to the point where it physically hurt, Kendall couldn't bring himself to. "Give me one more night," James whispered as his lips trailed down Kendall's ear, to his jaw, and to his neck.

Kendall was already in too deep. Too deep, too aroused, and too in love. So Kendall obliged without putting up a fight, letting James push him down onto the couch and get on top of him. He ran his hands down Kendall's chest, to his abdomen; teasing and touching him and making him go crazy. It was almost sadistic–or maybe just masochistic, the way James smirked as Kendall withered under him.

"You're mine. And don't you forget that," James said as he unbuckled Kendall's belt and took off his pants in one swift movement. It didn't take long for James to get everything else off of Kendall and himself; he just needed this. Needed Kendall again and needed to feel their bodies pressed up against each other, panting and moaning and feeling so good.

Kendall didn't know what was going on at that point. He just knew that James needed to fuck him into the couch and he needed to do it fast. But, as always, James took his precious time teasing Kendall, getting him harder and leaving him moaning for more.

"James...fuck. _James._ Just get in me already!" Kendall said as he wrapped his fingers into James' hair and pulled softly, earning a moan from the brunette.

_Two could play at this game._

James dove into Kendall's mouth for another kiss, instantly spreading his lips open and mapping out Kendall's mouth. It was all too familiar. They used to make love every night. They yearned for the time they spent together in bed, talking and laughing and moaning and being together. Those perfect moments made it all worth while.

But everything was changing. They were fucking on a couch in their living room because James wanted to claim Kendall once more. They weren't making love and they weren't going to make love again. This relationship couldn't be fixed.

James soon got tired of the teasing himself. He brought his fingers to Kendall's mouth, using saliva for lube. The condoms and lube were put away long ago, and at that point neither of them knew exactly where it was.

"Suck," James commanded. Kendall complied right away, bringing James' finger into his mouth and swiveling his tongue around it. That brought back memories, James remembering the times Kendall would surprise him with blowjobs in the middle of the day. They would always do something spontaneous and wild and romantic. But that was long over.

James met Kendall's eyes for a split second, seeing how his jade irises were blackened with nothing but pure lust. Those eyes held pain just moments ago. The type of pain that James had caused himself when years ago he promised to never hurt Kendall, both mentally and physically.

Inserting one finger in, James watched Kendall's eyes flutter shut, his mouth forming a small circle.

"James..._ngh_...just get in me already," Kendall moaned out.

James didn't waste anymore time. He coated his cock in his own saliva before ramming into Kendall, watching Kendall's face change from pain to pleasure.

"Fuck...been so long...James. H-harder." James complied, thrusting harder and faster into Kendall, watching Kendall's head fall back so fast he could have gotten whiplash. Ecstasy poured from the two boys as James thrust deeper into Kendall and Kendall started moving his own hips to the rhythm of James. James reached forward in between thrusts, hip smacking, and moans to grab Kendall's hard member. Kendall kept yelling James' name along with obscene words, digging his head deeper into the leather couch.

James was getting closer and closer to the edge. With two more thrusts into a moaning Kendall. James released himself into Kendall. Warm liquid painted Kendall's insides, earning moans from the two. James pumped Kendall faster, knowing he wasn't too far behind. Kendall yelled James' name one last time before exploding into his hand and chest. Falling onto Kendall, James pulled out of him and lay back down on the couch, lazily kissing him as they spooned, each of them too tired to get up and get to their bed. They fell asleep on the couch that night, sleeping better than they have in months.

* * *

Kendall was the first to wake up the next morning, laying on the couch as it got more and more uncomfortable beneath him. He smiled at James snoring beside him, brushing the hair out of his eyes and admiring his beautiful features.

_I'll miss this. _

And Kendall lay there staring at his lover, taking in his beauty for the last time. Because according to him this was the last time he would be this close to James, would lay next to him, would stroke his brown locks, would smile and reminisce about past memories. Would love him the way they always loved.

As James woke up and got accustomed to the sun pouring in from the window to his left, Kendall laid there with his eyes shut tight, trying to get rid of the void he already felt coming on from James' leave in a few hours.

But it never happened, as least not as soon as it was supposed to. James got up and went into the kitchen, working on breakfast as Kendall laid on the couch on the brink of unconsciousness and a breakdown he didn't want to experience. It was all bittersweet to him.

When Kendall finally awoke, the remainder of the morning consisted of screams, curses, and an aching ass. The lust and love from last night was gone, instead being replaced with anger and confusion. James wanted to stay with Kendall and he was willing to do or say anything to make him change his mind. Kendall had his mind set on getting rid of James, thinking it was an easy task when it really wasn't.

After the events that took place last night, all James did was show love and affection. Kendall knew what James was up to and he didn't let himself get sucked into it.

"You need to start packing up," Kendall had said.

"Soon, love," James answered. That was how it went on all day. Kendall would persuade James into going to their room and to start packing, but to no avail.

It was soon midnight and they were getting themselves to bed. James didn't even take a shirt out of his closet that day. His suitcases remained in the depths of a hall closet.

"You were supposed to leave today," Kendall said.

"One more night won't hurt anything," James said as he pushed Kendall down onto the bed, straddling him while kissing down his exposed chest.

'One more night' seemed to be the phrase James used every night for the past few months. It was the routine that they quickly fell into. It was never one more day or one more night. Every time Kendall heard those three words, he truly believed him. But it became so easily said and heard that soon Kendall rolled his eyes every time, annoyed that another day went by with James. He just wanted him out.

Kendall loved James. Even though their relationship crashed and crumbled into oblivion, Kendall would always have a special place in his heart for James.

But enough was enough. James wouldn't leave. So Kendall would. He packed in record time, taking everything that was his. His clothes, his favorite mug, his glasses and beanies and trophies, half of the pictures of him and James. And James' sweater that Kendall wore on those nights that James slept far on his side of the bed, his back to Kendall.

The house was completely stripped and lacking any life once Kendall was done.

Kendall prepared for their goodbye long ago. Getting through the house and out the front door was no problem. James would be the one with the problem once he got home.

Their one more night was over.


	2. Chapter 2

All that's running through my head as I edit this is that I FINALLY FINISHED WRITING THIS!

I wasn't going to even write a part two. But then I decided I should. And it has taken me about seven (maybe eight?) months to actually finish.

So I hope you guys like it and hit that review button when you're done reading!

* * *

No one was ever actually happy. No one actually had everything they ever wanted. There was no one perfect life out there, the life people grew up fantasizing about.

Not a single drama-free, loving, carefree- but still put together, passionate, wealthy, household existed. It was all just a bunch of lies. People want to believe that all that isn't true, that one can accomplish so much and have everything they ever wanted. But it doesn't happen.

There's always that one person that ruins everything. One person in everyone's life is capable of either building you up into your own pedestal or making you crash and burn. And in James' case, Kendall was that one person.

James was once standing tall and proud and happy. He walked around with a smile on his face and confidence to match. Kendall was able to mold and shape James' life into one that almost seemed perfect to the naked eye. But as fast as James fell in love with Kendall and the new adventures in his life that came along with him, it all seemed to crumble down so fast.

Because, once again, no life was perfect.

And James' wasn't even close. At least not anymore.

When James had headed home with a surprise for Kendall- a ring that had captured his eye from a showcase across the street, he eagerly ran the scenario through his head, picturing Kendall's face as he put the ring on him. The ring was perfect for Kendall; gold with a small diamond. James had it engraved just for him, the words "I love you" perfectly crafted into the piece of jewelry. It was a promise ring. A promise that James would never get lost in modeling and being on covers of magazines across the states. It was a promise that Kendall didn't have to sleep with the comfort of his blanket and nothing else in the far left of his side of the bed. It was a promise that James would always be there for Kendall- a promise that James seemed to break without the intention of actually wanting to. It was a promise that James would be everything and do everything to bring that smile back on Kendall's face. It was a promise that would last forever.

James had walked the whole way home clutching the small bag with the ring inside of it, a smile on his face, and an even bigger smile because he knew Kendall would absolutely love it. He knew Kendall was probably home and watching TV, probably waiting for the Chinese or Italian or whatever takeout to arrive. Kendall wouldn't be expecting this, which was what made it so perfect.

James could just picture the look on Kendall's face when James would present the ring to him, he'd be so surprised and anxious to put it on. They'd kiss and cuddle and spend the rest of the night in pure bliss.

_Tonight will be perfect._

When James approached his house, he didn't take into account that only his car resided in the driveway. Excitement got the better of him. But then again, he wasn't quite the observant one himself. He did, however, notice that all the lights in the house were off. _Maybe he's just napping. He started training for the hockey season just a week ago, he needs his rest. Now I have time to make everything romantic. _

James set the small bag with the ring inside onto the coffee table in the living room, and went into the kitchen, trying to remember where the set of candles holders were kept. Kendall had gotten those years ago when he planned a surprise romantic dinner for James.

James couldn't find the candle holders. Kendall's favorite mugs- the ones he claimed he must buy- were missing. There was no faint sound of Kendall snoring, even if James was all the way downstairs in the kitchen. When Kendall was tired- which was all the time during hockey season- his snores during his slumber were obnoxiously loud and heard in every corner of their home. James wasn't the heaviest of sleepers, and most of the time every little sound annoyed him to an extreme, but there was something about hearing his lover being in peace and getting rest that warmed James' heart.

James knew that he and Kendall have been walking on thin ice recently, that their relationship had reached a point where it needed serious work, but he thought they were doing well for the first time in months. He knew that Kendall wouldn't walk out on him without saying goodbye, hell, he wouldn't walk out at all because they've been through too much to see it all crash and come burning down.

James couldn't let his panicky thoughts get the better of him, and so he ran to the stairs, taking two steps at a time, until he reached his room and swung the door open.

Kendall had left the bedroom that they shared so many laughs and memories in, so many kisses and cuddles and hugs that sometimes cured even the toughest of tears and sadness. Kendall had taken his first hockey puck that he scored a goal, the puck that he would always look at when he sensed he was getting a big head from the fame he got from being on the team, and the more fame he got from his fans- especially the gay ones. Kendall had left James alone. Alone and upset with no one to hold when they couldn't seem to fall asleep at night because of all their midnight talks and laughs. It was all of that combined that James had such trouble fathoming the very idea that Kendall had even decided to leave- much less come through with it.

They were so in love. The love might have slipped for a few months, and James had only realized it when Kendall pointed it out when he tried to leave for the first time, but their love was always still there. But Kendall threw it all away. And for what reason James did not know.

James Diamond was a man of few emotions. Very few people saw through the façade he tried so hard to perfect his whole life that it soon became flawless. It took years for James to become who he is. It took a few minutes and the realization of his loved one leaving to break what he cared so much for; his image. He never cried. Yet there he was, falling to the floor in what resulted in a thump and the couple pictures that were still left on the wall to come clattering down. The white carpeted floor- that Kendall insisted they get because it would remind them to keep it clean- was no longer a pearly color as James bit down on his knuckles and the crimson color slowly seeped down his skin. Naturally James would have panicked and got down on his knees to scrub at the stain but Kendall wasn't here.

He was gone.

Ultimately he fell asleep. Knees clutched to his chest, neck back at an awkward angle, and the hand that he bit down laying limp beside him. It wasn't a comfortable position, and as he awoke he cracked his neck, his back, and every bone ached as he walked around the house. Kendall took many things with him. It was as if he never lived here. The little knick knacks he bought were all gone, except for the one that James picked out himself. The bookshelf that once held many classics was almost bare. What hurt the most was his favorite picture was gone. It was candid and it captured everything they were into one photo. They were both smiling and staring deep into each other's eyes, their noses barely touching. The background was blurred, and it seemed like they were the only ones that mattered. And Kendall had the nerve to take it.

Anger seeped through James, and all the sadness and misery seemed to vanish as his fist made contact with the subtle blue color of the wall- another one of Kendall's ideas. The same hand that already had bite marks on it burned even more as the pain registered in his brain.

_A bruised hand and a broken heart. Anything else I should expect? _

James tried to forget. It seemed to work for a while, but then days later, when the thermostat broke and the whole house felt like it was colder than it was outside, the unsettling feeling that he was alone crept back into his head. His comforter didn't do much in keeping him warm. It didn't beat every few times a minute like Kendall's heart did; it didn't breathe and snore and wake up every once in a while when James turned in his sleep, causing Kendall to stir as well. He lay awake that night, getting even less sleep than the nights before. He looked up at his ceiling and wondered if somewhere, Kendall was doing the same thing. If maybe he was thinking about James, about how he screwed up and he needed to come back to James; to his boyfriend, to his best friend. It couldn't be that Kendall was happy where he was now.

Who would massage the knots in Kendall's back after hockey practices and games every night? Who would cook dinner and buy expensive wine and eat it with him as he unwound from all the events of the day? Who was going to make love to him and hold him as he slept?

There was no one better for Kendall than James.

_He'll realize that he needs me. He'll see. He'll come crawling back to me._

So he waited. And he waited. He buried himself in modeling jobs, one on top of the other. He busied himself by tidying up around the house- just in case Kendall would come back for him that day. He called up his long lost best friends, Logan Mitchell and Carlos Garcia, trying to get back in touch with them after months and months of not calling them and answering back to their text messages.

James avoided the topic of Kendall leaving him, knowing that there was no point in disclosing it when they would get back together sooner or later. But James found that nothing changed with his friends, they still pried and pried, wanting to get as much out of James as they could. Because they knew what happened, every single detail.

"James, we know," Logan had said, putting down his fork, and trying to catch James' eyes. They were currently at a restaurant, eating dinner. Just the three of them, the fourth chair being vacant yet again.

When James didn't answer and continued eating, Logan sighed as he nudged Carlos, telling him to speak up. "We know Kendall left." That seemed to catch James' attention as his fork dropped and he looked up at his friends. "We've seen him. Well, we always see him. He's been staying at Logan's place for a while now."

"W-what? Why? Why hasn't he come home yet?"

"'Home' to him is my place now. James, you need to move on already. We see how empty you look without him, and it's eating you from the inside out," Logan said.

"We've been together for years. He can't just pick up everything and leave! I love him. _I love him._ He will come back."

"He's happy now. Happier than we've seen him for a while now. He's not coming back to you."

"Oh yeah? And how are you so sure of that? You don't know anything about us. You shouldn't even be giving relationship advice! You and Camille are on and off and can't figure shit out! And you," James said, turning to Carlos, "you and Stephanie aren't exactly on good terms. Some marriage that turned out to be. So until you guys get your love life sorted out, don't come meddling into mine. You know nothing."

"We're just trying to help. We're your friends and we want the best for you."

"Kendall is the best for me. So just shut up. He'll come back to me. You'll see," James said as he threw his fork down on the plate. "I'm not hungry anymore. I have things to do." He slid out of the booth they were sitting in, walking to the exit, not turning back to look at his two friends.

* * *

He was in denial. That's all there was to it. He would walk around the neighborhood in hopes of bumping into Kendall- even though the mere thought of that scared him. He didn't have the guts to call. He always was terrified when it came to feelings and love. But with Kendall it felt so right and perfect. Felt. Because that was all past tense and they were no longer together. James was still set on fixing everything, he knew he could do it, he just needed time. He had all the time in the world, really. He could wait and wait but he would never not be scared or nervous to face Kendall and see what he had to say.

James didn't feel as if he should even be the one to see Kendall first. He had too much pride and too much dignity to admit to anyone that he missed his ex-boyfriend so much.

It had been exactly two weeks since James had last spoken to Logan or Carlos, ignoring their calls, texts, and voice mails altogether. He knew what they were going to say if he did pick up; _"James you need to move on."_

_"Kendall doesn't want you anymore."_

_"Go on a date, maybe you'll find someone else." _

Except there was no one else. Kendall had been James' first and only serious relationship, ever. And to start all over again, to go through that agonizing process of finding someone worthy enough to go on a date with, and then another, and open up, and love- it was too much work and it was not something James could do. Which was why when he realized that he had season tickets for Minnesota Wild, he inwardly beat himself up for not going to see Kendall sooner. Sure, he wasn't actually going to talk to Kendall just yet. But he needed to see him, to see if he looked the same, if he was upset over everything that happened, and if maybe he yearned for James and realized he had made a mistake.

Except he wasn't upset, not even a little. He looked happy. Happier than he's been in a while. James had dragged Carlos and Logan to the game, saying he just wanted to get out of the house, even though it was obvious he wanted to see Kendall because he was set on going to the game and nowhere else.

Kendall was so concentrated, so set on scoring and winning, it reminded James of everything else Kendall put his mind to. The way he skated around the rink fast as lightning, concentrated on the puck in front of him and only that, determined to get this goal. Which he did. The whole arena erupted, screaming and cheering and fist pumping. He had scored the last goal. He had won the game. Seeing the way everything went down brought James years back when Kendall first got drafted, when James was sitting in his own box with Logan and Carlos, cheering Kendall on. It made him remember seeing Kendall do what he loves best and being the best at it. He had fallen in love with Kendall and his determination and his passion for hockey and life and love. And now was no different. James felt his heart aching yet again, yearning for Kendall and wanting to be close to him again. He needed Kendall now more than ever, realizing that there was no better and no one that could make him feel the way Kendall makes him feel.

Logan and Carlos had told Kendall they'd be going to the game, excluding the part about James tagging along. Kendall had given the two of them passes to let them come down all the way to the locker rooms, and from there they'd go to dinner. Of course the press would be swarming Kendall, asking about his relationship with James. Kendall hadn't told anyone about their break-up yet, but he knew that soon questions would arise.

James didn't plan on going to dinner with the guys, given that he wasn't invited. He didn't plan on following them in his car all the way to the restaurant they were eating at. He didn't plan on parking his car right outside of the place. He didn't know what he was doing, really. He just knew he had to see Kendall, be it the back of his head and just for a second. He knew he could just seem him at the next game, and the game after that. But he needed him now.

He was too busy staring at the front of the restaurant to remember that there was a back entrance to it that Kendall had gone through countless times before, when the paparazzi were following them both. He didn't notice his car door opening, and someone getting into the passenger seat until a light tap brought him out of his trance. He jumped in his seat and turned to look at Kendall. He looked better than ever, an evident smile from winning the game that evening still dancing around his face. His eyes sparked as well, they looked happier than they have in ages. He was wearing a flannel plaid button up and jeans. Typical Kendall wardrobe, yet he still managed to make it work.

James didn't know what to say. What do you say to the man you've been pining over for a month now, the man you've practically stalked all night in hopes of seeing his face again?

Fortunately Kendall was the first to speak. "I saw you at the game, and I saw you follow us here." James was baffled. Kendall was so calm, yet James was a mess, both on the inside and out.

_What do I say? _

"I...uh, wanted to congratulate you for that goal...and for the win," James lied, not at all smoothly. He looked down at his hands, fidgeting. He couldn't bring himself to look at Kendall. This was the first time that he felt intimidated, especially by Kendall.

"Yeah, sure you did," Kendall answered, sarcasm evident in his words. "Why are you here?"

"I miss you," James said, barely above a whisper. He continued staring down, first at his fingers then at his knuckles and wow, he really needed some serious lotion for that cracked skin. At least his hand was healing. Then at the gear stick, and at the pens and papers he had in the little cup holders. He really tried his hardest to avoid Kendall's piercing green orbs at all costs.

_Screw pride and dignity. They mean nothing without Kendall._

Kendall knew it. He knew James would be a mess and he mentally and emotionally prepared himself. He couldn't come crawling back to James and forgive him for neglecting him all those months long ago. James _hurt_ Kendall in a way that he'll always remember. He loved James, he really did. But who was to say that after a year it wouldn't be the same again if they did happen to get back together? He couldn't do it, couldn't get into this mess again. He barely made it out of there before, knowing he needed James. But he was perfectly fine now. Sure, there had been nights where he wished James could hold him, or he could put his head on James' chest as they slept in harmony. He even lost count of the amount of sleeping pills he had to take the past month. He practically needed James to be able to do everything. He saw James along with Logan and Carlos as the game started. He strongly believed that if the brunette wasn't there, he wouldn't have scored so many goals and the team wouldn't have won that night.

He tried to be calm. But where was James all those lonely nights when all that was racing through Kendall's mind was how much he missed his boyfriend? Where was James when all Kendall could do was turn his back to his face in bed and pray he didn't hear the tears that escaped from his eyes? Where was James when Kendall missed _him_? "You are _not_ starting this right now. Do you really think I'll feel bad for you after how you've treated me?"

"Kendall, I-"

"No. You don't get to do this. You can't weasel your way back into my heart after I've tried so hard to shut you out and forget about you. You don't get to find me and try to get me back because it won't work! It hurts, James. It really hurts how you treated me. I felt like you never even loved me. And yeah, when we talked about it I guess our love kind of rekindled but I can't forgive you for what you've done. I realized that besides you and that girl Jo that I dated back in high school, I haven't been in a relationship with anyone else. I want to go on dates, I want to fall in love with someone else. We were always better off being best friends and nothing more." He was lying. Lying to himself and to James. He wanted more than anything to be with James, but just like him, he had too much pride to admit that he needed him. He needed him more than the air he breathed, as corny as that sounded. He didn't want to go on dates with people he didn't even know and starting a new relationship from scratch.

James was still looking down. Looking down and contemplating whether or not he should just run out. Granted it was his car, but he couldn't do this. He couldn't sit in front of Kendall and hear these words. Oh, how the tables have turned. Kendall was the sap in the relationship, always was. But now, it was James who was trying to control his tears, not letting himself start sobbing right then and there in front of his ex.

Kendall noticed how quite James was, and knew how much he must have been hurting. He didn't think James would have been effected this much, but then again, James had that whole façade thing going on. "Look at me," Kendall said, raising James' chin to look into his eyes, which were now glossed with fresh tears struggling not to spill. "I love you. I really do. But I think we need a break. Who knows, maybe in the future we'll get back together." Kendall told himself he wouldn't do this, wouldn't compromise with James. "But right now, we just need some time apart. It's for the best."

It had happened all so fast that James barely even had time to register it. Kendall had tried to stop himself, but the brunette just had this pull to him, like two magnets attracting each other, and before either of them knew it, their lips were touching, softly at first, before the intensity was raised and they were both panting and sweating for more. Car sex was appealing to the both of them. They hadn't gotten laid in a while and who better to break the sad streak than themselves?

"Stop...James. We can't do this." But Kendall wanted to. Want wasn't even the word to describe how much Kendall needed this. What do you even do when the man you love has actually changed and is suffering without you? Maybe the break that Kendall had wanted was bullshit. He didn't want a break, he just wanted James to understand his faults and fix them and work himself, which it looked like he had. But Kendall was torn. The angel on his right shoulder was telling him to stop thinking about all the bad outcomes and instead focus on the good ones. The ones that had Kendall moving back to the place that he had lived in for years past, the ones that had James and Kendall laughing and cuddling on their couch while watching a movie, slowly moving their focus on each other and then shutting off the movie altogether. The one that had James and Kendall be like they were in the past.

But the damn devil on the right shoulder was what was holding Kendall back, telling him that once James gets what he wants- or rather who he wants- everything would go back to being the same. Now, Kendall wasn't an optimist or a pessimist. He was a realist. He thought of what could actually happen, and not the bullshit that happy people believed in, because that was just too overrated.

"I can't bear the thought of living without you for the rest of my life. I don't want anyone else. I don't need anyone else. If there's no you then there is no me." And wow if that didn't sound like it was straight out of a chick flick.

"I'm sorry, James."

"Can't we try again? We can't just give up. The last few months have been better...why would you just end it like that?"

"Because I had to tell you that we were falling apart. You didn't even notice."

"But I do now! Just one last chance. Please."

James' response was Kendall slowly shaking his head and opening the car door, trying hard not to break down over James' protests and sobs. He made his way back around the corner and through the back entrance where Carlos and Logan were probably waiting for him along with what went down between the both of them.

* * *

Change was good.

At least it was when James lay awake in the dead of night, sleep the last thing on his mind. He was thinking about everything from that night, starting from seeing Kendall play, to Kendall sitting in his car, to the kiss. He was basically torturing himself, and not in the good way.

He gave up on sleep, knowing it was no use. So he finally decided to fix the whole in the wall, and the other two holes that proceeded during his breakdown. His plan was to de-Kendall-ify the house. And so he began the home improvement at approximately a quarter to four. It was nice to put his mind at work- and do something other than think about Kendall. Pictures were taken out of their frames and put into a small box and into the top shelf of his closet, away from sight. Furniture was rearranged. When normal people were awake he'd gone to the nearest Home Depot and bought a couple of cans of paint. The place was completely different when he was done. It was _his _place. Not his and Kendall's.

He enjoyed his new bachelor pad and slowly but surely he got over the heartbreak. Logan and Carlos loved what he had done to the place, and were happy to have their best friend back. Months later, James was back on the field. His first date was a blind date set up by Logan.

"He's not that bad looking, and this is coming from a straight guy," Logan said.

"I'm just nervous, you know? I haven't been on a date with someone else in years."

"You're acting just like Kendall did when he went on that date with– ow!" James' eyes went wide for a brief second, Carlos' words sinking in. But the façade was back and he didn't let his two friends see the pain that should have been evident on his face.

"I should go. What's his name again?"

"Jake. Have fun tonight."

"I'll try. And don't eat everything in my fridge while I'm gone," James said, turning to Carlos and pointing a finger.

Jake was everything that Kendall wasn't. He was very open-minded, whereas Kendall was as stubborn as a mule. Jake had fashion sense. Kendall's wardrobe consisted of all things flannel. Jake was not just 'bad looking' like Logan had said. He was hot, to put it bluntly. He was hot and he knew it. Jake also had the dirty blond hair that Kendall had, was about the same height as him, and had similar eye color as Kendall. The eyes that left James weak in the knees.

"-so I'm climbing this huge mountain, right? I'm almost to the top when I look down and see my friends standing there, laughing. And then I realize that my pants fell. And I'm wearing the thong that my girlfriend at the time gave me to wear, thinking it would be hot. So I blush so hard I feel the heat radiating off my cheeks and throughout my body. I can barely hold on to the rope as I contemplate continuing up to the top or going down. And they were lacey so basically everything was on display," he paused, smiling at the sight of James cackling at his story. "So I start going back down and I become more and more visible as I get closer to the ground."

"Talk about a vacation gone wrong," James said after his laughs died down.

"Yeah. It was interesting. Never wearing a thong again."

"That reminds of this one time when I was in Hawaii with my friends and Kendall-"

"Kendall?"

"My bo- my friend. He was wearing this really tight speedo several sizes small and it just popped out on the beach, in front of this family and their kids were screaming. Oh, God. It was the funniest thing ever."

"Poor kids," Jake said, scrunching his nose and laughing, just like Kendall.

As the date progressed, James grew fonder of this guy. Maybe dating new guys wasn't as bad as he thought.

_Maybe there's someone better out there than Kendall. _

James was invited to Jake's house. He kindly declined, saying that they should take things slow. Jake didn't have a problem with that and they kissed good night, promising the other that they'd call.

James was greeted home with questions one on top of the other. He just smiled and went upstairs to his room without a word. He didn't kiss and tell. He wasn't going to get away that easy, especially since Carlos and Logan were following him around.

"C'mon, tell us! I got you the date so you owe me!"

"It was fun. Happy?"

"No! That's not enough. Did you kiss? What'd you talk about? Are you gonna see him again?"

"Yes, stuff, and yes. Are we done here?"

"For now. We still expect more details!"

Jake and James were official by their third date. The public knew about them and even though some liked this couple, others said that James and Kendall were better together. Kendall wasn't in a relationship. He was dating, though. Magazine after magazine showed the hockey player leaving a restaurant or a movie or some other place with a different guy every time.

After two and a half months they were still going strong, and James was surprised he liked the guy this much. He still looked out for any signs of Kendall getting into a relationship in the tabloids, and he even asked Logan and Carlos a couple times. It was funny how James was the one who hurt more from the break-up, yet he rebounded quicker.

The day after their three month anniversary they were going to a barbeque at Logan's house in honor of his and Camille's engagement. James didn't realize Kendall would be there until he walked into the house and saw the blond in the kitchen helping out. At that point it had been over six months since they had last seen each other. It would be rude for James to ignore him, especially since they were the only two in the kitchen. Their eyes locked for a fraction of a second before Kendall abruptly looked down.

"Hey." Looks like James has to be the bigger man.

Kendall didn't answer at first. He kept looking down at the knife on the counter, then at the sponge next to the sink, and then out the window. Just like James had done that night in the car. When he finally looked up, he realized how good James looked. He looked _happy. _

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"Good. You?"

"Great." It was as if they were never together and didn't have any history. It became awkward just standing there and the tension kept rising.

"You look good," Kendall said after a short silence. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. Pain was etched into the grin he tried so hard to make look real.

"So do you. Nice haircut by the way."

"Thanks," Kendall said, raising his arm and smoothing it. "How's modeling going?"

"Better than ever. Jake got me this gig a few weeks ago in Paris. It was amazing." At the mention of Jake, Kendall's head dropped and James didn't miss how his stomach clenched at the sight of Kendall like this. "Hey...you okay?" He moved closer to Kendall, and Kendall took a step back.

"Yeah. Fine. I just gotta start making the salad. I'll- uh, talk to you later."

"I can just ask Jake to do it. He makes a killer salad."

"No, no. It's fine, really."

"You sure?"

"Positive," he replied with another one of those pain-smiles.

"Jake made this corn salad a few days ago and it felt like heaven in-"

"James!" He stopped mid-sentence, staring at Kendall because of the outburst. "Stop. P-please...just stop." James took another step towards Kendall, and again he stepped back. "Just go outside and talk to someone. Just leave me alone. Please." James left without another word. Before stepping outside he heard the faint sound of a cry, followed by dishes clanking against each other. He wanted to go back, to hug him and hold him and comfort him. But Jake was just a few feet away. His _boyfriend _was just a few feet away.

He tried to laugh. He tried to pay attention to the conversations going on. He tried to enjoy his food. He tried so hard to think about Jake and only Jake. He tried to not let his voice crack as he gave a speech about the husband and wife to be. But it all miserably failed because Kendall was _there. _He was right across from Jake, sitting with Carlos and some girl he had never met. He realized how alike Jake and Kendall actually were, and why he dated Jake in the first place. Sure, he filled the void in him when Kendall left, but he also reminded James of Kendall which was why James never realized how much he had missed him- because it was like he was still with him.

Kendall only talked when spoken to or when it was his turn to say a toast. The two didn't lock eyes during lunch. They didn't speak at all. When Jake asked James if he wanted more salad, he just shook his head no. When Jake asked him if he wanted cake during dessert, James shook his head again and went into the house. When he came back out, Jake asked him if he wanted to come over later. James told him that he couldn't. He got called to work after one of the models backed out. Of course it was a lie, but he needed to be alone.

When everyone started to leave, James quickly said goodbye to everyone, drove Jake home, then sped to his own house. And that's when he broke down for the first time since Kendall had left him. He cried until no more tears would escape his swollen eyes. He lulled himself to sleep with the song him and Kendall first danced to on loop.

When he finally woke up at noon, he felt as if all the emotion was completely drained out of him. He stayed in all day, ignoring any calls from his friends, and all twelve calls from Jake. He really didn't want to see him right now. And he didn't for a week. Jake came over as he was in the middle of his third bowl of spaghetti. It was binge eating at its finest.

"You haven't been picking up my calls," Jake said when he was let in. His arms were tightly crossed as he stood staring at James.

"I've been busy," James lied.

"How was that modeling job you got after Logan's barbeque?"

"It was fine," James curtly replied, wanting him to leave already.

Jake gave him that smile. The pain-smile that Kendall sported a week ago. And James mentally slapped himself again for not seeing how alike they really were.

"You and Kendall…you used to date, didn't you?"

The question caught him off guard as he contemplated telling the truth or lying. "Yeah," James whispered. "We dated for years. And I let him go." Awkward silence. "How'd you find out?"

"You could cut the tension with a knife."

James didn't know what to say to that. He just wanted to get back to his food and TV.

"You still love him, don't you?"

Without a second thought, James answered; "Yes."

James expected screaming or something being thrown at him. He expected Jake to go on and on about how they had something special and it could've gone somewhere. Instead he got a small smile and a pat on the shoulder. "Then go get him back. You deserve to have the guy you really want."

"Thank you. And so do you. I hope you find your guy- or girl."

"Hope so. I'm gonna go now. And you go get Kendall back." They hugged and James watched as Jake walked out. He experienced what it was like to be with someone other than Kendall and he absolutely hated it. He was going to get his man back.

* * *

"You'll never learn to tie a tie, will you?" Hands drifted up James' chest as Kendall tugged at the tie, trying to fix the mess that James made.

"Why would I when I have you?" James smirked, capturing Kendall's lips in a kiss.

"Hmm...James. We can't do this right now. We promised Logan we'd help him get ready. And my ass still hurts from last night."

"I'd say sorry but I'm not," he mumbled against the blond's lips as he got one more kiss.

Rolling his eyes, Kendall grabbed his fiancé by the hand and pulled him towards the door of their house.

"By the way, happy four month anniversary."

Four months ago James had gone back to Logan's house where Kendall still lived, trudged into his room and gotten back together with the only man he'd ever loved. Kendall was reluctant at first, going as far as screaming at James for the way he neglected him all that time ago. James screamed back, saying that it wasn't only his fault. Their voices got louder until James finally shut him up and kissed Kendall for the first time since they were in James' car outside the restaurant a year ago. The next day Kendall was moving back into their house. All their old pictures were hanging again, and James' favorite picture that Kendall had taken was back in its rightful place. James finally gave the ring he bought for Kendall- except he used it as an engagement ring and not the promise ring it was intended to be. That night they slept in the middle of the bed, facing each other with their arms around one another. Kendall cried, except this time it was happy tears and not sad. He had missed this so much.

"You gonna get out the car or what?"

"Huh? We're here?"

"Like five minu-" James cut Kendall off with another kiss, and whispered the three words.

"Let's get this wedding on the road."

* * *

James never thought he'd lose Kendall for being such a jerk. He also never thought he'd have enough luck to get Kendall's forgiveness. He didn't think that he'd go through hell and back, but it was worth it.

He had finally gotten Kendall's trust back, so much so that it led to Kendall asking the priest if he could marry them right then and there. And so they got married, right after Logan and Camille. As they shared their first kiss as a married couple they both thought that everything that had happened was for the best, and now they were finally back in the arms of one another.


End file.
